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Thursday, May 31, 2012

Walk A Mile In My Shoes

   I do apologize again for not keeping up this blog daily.  I'm just feeling so poorly after those Dr appointments.  But I haven't forgotten you guys.
    So I'm finally going back to see my pain Dr in the big city.  He runs the show like the wizard in Emerald City in the wizard of Oz.  He's the man behind the curtain, he tells my Dr up here what to do and then loves to tell me everything I'm doing wrong whether I'm doing it or not.  He's one of those old school Dr's who has the mind belief that woman are supposed to listen to the man and keep quiet.  Plus he loves to make fun of my weight EVERY chance he gets!  I am 5'10" and before this started I was 190 pounds.  I was 170 pounds when I was on swim team in high school for crying out loud!  I wasn't fat.  But he says "Oh so you have always been a heavy girl."  Uh no.  I only became heavy when I lost the ability to walk and even then it wasn't because I was stuffing my face with Twinkies!  I eat far less than I did before, it was the medication mostly and the inability to move.  Plus I decided that I wasn't going to deprive myself from the foods I love because I was disabled.  I was deprived enough.  That doesn't mean that I was stuffing myself with junk food either.  So, it's going to be a hard visit with him.  I always love it when he criticizes my weight, like I don't feel disgusted with myself as it is.
    I started a home exercise home program where I walk around the house every hour for so many laps.  I started it because I just couldn't stand the way I looked anymore.  Well, circumstances happened and I stopped for awhile.  Now I know we are going to be going down for a visit in 47 days.  So I have to bust my ass and get moving!  I have to cut out as much bad food out that I can.  I have to drink more water.  Because I don't know if exercise will be enough.  And I really want to show that smug little bastard that I am doing the best I can for my body right now.  And if I wasn't disabled I wouldn't look like this.
    So, here I go 47 days til the finish line.  I'll post my progress and we shall see where I am in 47 days!  This is kind of nerve wracking, and exhilarating and at the same time!

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