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Saturday, May 19, 2012

Norwegian Grief

    First off I am sorry I didn't get a chance to post yesterday but yesterday was a really rough day.  My dad has been sick so I've been trying to help out more, keeping my sister in line since my mom is in the middle of a relapse, and we found out that my mom's dog who was sick isn't just sick but riddled with tumors in his heart his lungs and only has about a month left to live.  It was a very stressful day.
    My dad has always been the very stoic Norwegian type.  Doesn't like to have people get in his personal space, is always fine ( even if he's got blood spurting out from a massive head trauma ), very hard headed, and he doesn't cry.  I have seen him cry only a few times in is entire life and most of those were when an animal has passed away in our family.  But, yesterday yesterday was something I had never seen before.  He apparently was crying so hard the vet had to call the dog's breeder ( who has been very involved in his life ).  It really shook me.
    It shook me because here was this strong man showing such emotion and I couldn't even cry!  Everyone always says how much my dad and I are alike.  I'm daddy's girl all the way. I never cry at movies, and I hate people touching me.  But, I felt like the worlds coldest bitch when I was the only one in my family who didn't cry.  So last night I was dreaming my usual pain nightmares ( I don't get much deep sleep and when I do I have pain dreams where I am somehow being tortured or run over something to make the pain seep through into my dream ) and I started dreaming about my mom's dog being ripped away from us.  I didn't even realize I was crying until I woke myself up from nose being so plugged up I had been crying so hard.  It was as if my dream gave me the release I needed to.
    Sorry things have been such a downer lately in my posts.  Promise it will cheer up soon.  Thank you all so much for sticking with me!

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