I'm sure many of you out there have watched Sex & The City. I remember many episodes of this fantastic show but there are a couple that stand out as I go through this journey.
The first episode is "Agony and the Ex-tacy". In this episode they talk about getting older and being alone, no soul mates. I remember watching this episode 11 years ago and thinking how far off 35 sounded. I remember thinking what my life was going to be like at 35. I was going to be married and having kids. So, now at 35 and not married with kids I have to reexamine things. And living in society today it is very hard to be different. Which brings me to the next episode.
The second episode is called "Catch-38". In this episode Carrie has to reevaluate her priorities when she falls in love with the Russian. She has to decide if she wants a baby or a man. But it also brings up questions we face: Do we think we want babies and marriages or do we think we should have babies and marriages? And where is the peer pressure really coming from? Is it external or internal?
I think that looking at these episodes after veering off the "perfect" path I was gliding down has been really eye opening. I need to find a new path to go towards. Maybe it won't look like my original one, but who said life is perfect. I truly doubt that even if I did remain healthy I would have had my life turn out exactly like I wanted it to. Why? Because that is life. It changes every day. And I think the hardest thing for me, besides the pain of course, has been letting go of all my past dreams and wishes. Society is hard to live up to. It is hard to know where it's peer pressure stops and your own personal pressure begins. It's indeed a catch-22.