The definition of change is: to alter, modify, redesign, make or become different, according to the Mac dictionary. Yet for me the word change feels confrontational and even hostile. What I hear is "You aren't good enough. or "I'm not proud of you." I'm sure what people mean are things like: "Here are some ways to help you achieve your goals."
Change is a hard obstacle to overcome and even harder when you feel that you are alone in it all. Right now I have to change a couple things. The big one is I have to stop hating myself. I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to accomplish that but I am trying. I also have to try and get serious about weight loss again. I'm already exercising and eating well, and have lost 50 plus pounds. But, I need to try and be more aggressive about it. Maybe wait on that one until after that lovely monthly visit is over. ;-).
Looking back at these 8 years I realized I have made many changes. Some good, some not good. Some good changes: I'm not as immature as I was at the beginning. I'm not an angry ball of rage and disappointment anymore. Some not so good changes: My body loathing really went up after I gained all the extra weight from not being able to move. I don't trust people like I used to.
I guess I look at change as criticism. Like you are okay but really you could be better. Maybe, before I try to work on believing that change is just change I should learn to trust first. Because without the trust everything looks like a giant criticism.