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Saturday, May 12, 2012

Love

  I have found that love is truly the most powerful thing on this planet.  I was so full of hate for so long.  It sometimes feels like it is more work to be happy, and I lived on this theory for quite awhile.  But it isn't true.  Love opens your eyes, whereas hate just keeps them closed to everything around you.
  I have always been a helpful person.  Since I was about 9 years old I helped take care of my siblings and take care of the house.  Soon it became second nature for me to become a second parent, or to clean the house whenever I got mad.  I painted the entire exterior of our house with a single hand held paintbrush.  Helping is something that's just become second nature to me.
  Becoming disabled I was no longer able to help.  I had to ask for help.  My love of helping slowly turned to resentment which turned to hate.  I hated not being able to do work around the house.  As my parents health got worse I hated not being able to help them.  Why should they have to help me?  They were the ones who needed help.  It took some time to realize that there were ways I could show my support and love.
  I couldn't do the amount or the types of work I used to do anymore.  It was a tough battle to let go of that anger and hate and come to a new realization.  My eyes were opened when I became open to God again.  I found that I still had love left. I found a way to still be helpful.  I could help people in a new way.  I found new ways to work, ways that I could still feel useful and that I was being supportive of my poor parents.
  Love of my family, love of service has given me purpose.  Love has saved me from myself.

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