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Thursday, June 14, 2012

It's A Sad Day

    Sorry it's been awhile since I last posted.  Things have been a bit crazy here trying to get the house spic and span for my sister and her husbands visit.  My mom decided that we should finish getting the bathroom redecorated 4 days before before they show up.  So we have got almost all the painting done.  The house is pretty clean, not as good as it could have been since all the bathroom stuff is everywhere while we finish painting.
   And because of the cleaning I'm not getting my walking in.  I'm either cleaning or I'm too damn tired to walk after all the cleaning I did.  It is so very frustrating!!  I'm supposed to be walking every day to lose weight before my appointment next month.  But I'm failing at it and it is making me so depressed and discouraged and angry!  I feel fatter every day and I hate it so much!
    Then my sister comes.  I walk in because I was gone when she first arrived and her husband greeted me, had to tell her to say hello to me.  She didn't have anything to say to me.  I don't begrudge her for it because she was worried about the baby because she couldn't hear the baby's heart beat with my other sister's stethoscope.  But, I could tell that there really was no connection between us.  I had more of a warm caring feeling from her husband like he was glad to see me.  I always thought we were super close through out our childhood and adulthood.  But, my mom pointed out that no we weren't as close as I thought we were.  I was hoping my mom was wrong, but I think she was right.  I am very Norwegian.  I don't like a lot of physical contact, I'm always fine.  But I have always been yearning for a bond with my sister that's incredibly close.  I thought I had that.  I guess not.  It just makes me so sad because I just want to hug her and talk to her but she doesn't want that.  Now that she is here it makes it really hard.
    My dog is at the groomers today.  I know it's pathetic even my own dad told me but I count down the hours until I can see him again.  I miss having him follow me everywhere I go like my little shadow.  I miss him.

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