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Monday, April 30, 2012

Thank You!

  I started this blog because I felt alone in my disability.  I wanted to let others know they aren't alone and the feelings they are feeling are okay.  I thought if I could just reach one person that would be enough.
  But, today I want to say thank you to all of you.  Thank you for giving me the inspiration and motivation to keep blogging.  Thank you for showing me I am reaching people. Thank you for not giving up on me.   Just thank you!  Your support means a lot.  I only hope that I can keep providing you with many more blogs in the future.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

The Simple Joys

  Today I FINALLY got my new bed!  I've been using a hospital bed for the past few years and for the past year and a half or so every night as I try to sleep I feel like I'm rolling down a hill.  My bed broke in such a way so that the side that doesn't face the wall slants towards the floor.
  So, I started the many, many, many, many, many, many phone calls to get a new bed.  I had to call the medical company who provided me with the bed, then they had to have someone come out, then they had to run some paperwork through and I should be able to get my bad.  But wait, no one told me after weeks of waiting for the next call that I was supposed to call my DR and get them to fax over a prescription?  I've had the bed for years.  This makes no sense to me at all. After what felt like the longest eternity of just a couple weeks I called again and they told me that it was STILL not ready but they were just going to send it out to me and just continue  battling the paperwork.
  Which now brings me to my happy day!! No more rolling out of bed!  My life has such pain and anger in it that wherever and however I find even one moment of happiness in my life I grab it and hold on tight.  Live for each happy moment.  Even a small happy is a good happy.                          

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Today Is A Good Day!

  When I was first diagnosed with RSD I found someone to sit with me as I cried, to lay down beside me all those sleepless nights and to boost my spirits when I was down in the dumps.  I found Riley.  Or maybe he found me.  I'm not really sure about that part.  But he has truly been the most fabulous blessing in my life.
  His former owner trained him to hate men because she lived alone.  My dad had to meet him first since it was quite a distance between our 2 homes.  When he walked into the room Riley was in Riley walked right over to him and jumped up on his hind legs to say hello.  Ever since Riley has had a very close bond with my dad as well as myself.  He follows me everywhere I go, when I leave the house he greets me with a welcome home you would think I had been gone for 2 months not 2 minutes. He never sleeps in his kennel.  He's my baby.
  Well my baby has a lot of health problems too.  He's had a couple seizures, and a few cysts on the skin, some dental problems and some back pain.  Which now I have gotten to the point of my post.  The other day I heard my little dog cry out in pain.  I tried to find the source of the pain and found it was his back that hurt.  Of course I was a wreck.. So I took care of him made sure he didn't do any jumping of any kind.  I waited and watched ( not so patiently ).  And he got better!
  He's jumping again and he ever made it on my own bed!!!!  It's so wonderful  to have my puppy feeling better.  A small joy to some but a great big day of happiness for me!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Will It Ever End?

  Today I feel like throwing myself a pity party.  I mean everyone deserves one every now and then.  I'm just tired of all of it!
  I'm so mad that I have spent the adult half of my life disabled and in pain and alone!  Will I ever meet anyone?  I mean at my age my lifelong dream of having children is over.  But, will I find someone?  Will I ever be functioning again?  Will I have a body that works? A body that looks like I want it to? Not some misshapen lump of ugliness and pain.  Can I ever look at this time and not want to cry and tear my hair out?  All time is now is before RSD and after.  Watching everything around me change and grow and yet I stay the same!  Will I ever meet new friends?  Friends who don't leave when things get hard.
  Okay, so there's my pity party rant.  I do want to say that I have many many good things in my life for which I am truly grateful and appreciative for.  I have a wonderful family, a loyal companion who has truly been instrumental in keeping me sane(my dog), some new friends, good Dr's and God.  I have grown a lot over these years.  But, today I'm just in need of a good rant to the universe.

Friday, April 20, 2012

Pain, Pain, Go Away, Come Again Another Day....

  Sorry it has been so long since I last posted.  Things have been a bit rough.  I'm sure most of you out there can understand and appreciate that.
  I had an appointment last week with a social worker.  And it was a complete disaster!    She said to me that she didn't understand why a strong healthy looking individual needed to be taken care of.  Why is it that people just don't get that RSD is real? It is so hard having a disability that no one can see.  My leg definitely shows signs of RSD but not my abdomen.  The only other outward appearance is the amount of weight I packed on due to medications and inability to move.
 I hate having a disability that's so intense and such a huge ordeal for myself and yet to others it is considered to be fairly unworthy of their time and efforts.  I'm not saying every one, I myself have been blessed with very good doctors.  But, it's just hard sometimes.  Having invisible illnesses is a real challenge for anyone.
  If you have RSD, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Fibromyalgia, any of these are hard to face because the physical aspect is not there.  You feel as if you are suffering alone.  I know, I've lived through 2 of those.
  But today I say press on.  There are people out there who believe.  There are people who love you!  And with that combination I think anyone can get through it.