Thursday, January 12, 2012

Dates and Anniversaries

Hello again!  Sorry for the long pause between.  I am looking at my eight year anniversary of RSD this time around.  The last time I had it it took ten years..  So as I look back at these long eight years I am filled with regret, anger and joy.  

The first year of this bout was when I found who my real friends were.  Yet, I was still positive about my disability.  

As the next few years rolled by I started finding myself poked and prodded and  the procedures were endless and unproductive. The RSD spread, up one leg and down the other, then to my abdomen and back.  I found myself sinking further into the abyss.  I started looking at my life as before RSD and after.  When I thought about my life before RSD, I was reminded me of how much I had had going for me and how much I had taken away.  It got to the point that I was so angry and bitter.  

I still am angry.  This was not the life I wanted to have.  Let's face it: nobody wants this life of pain.

 I'm coming to see that it's what you do with the life you have that makes the difference.  I'm 35 and I have not experienced "normal" life at all yet.  And I struggle every day with that.  

But, I am constantly reminding myself that there is so much joy in my life.  I have a home and a family, a dog who follows me everywhere, Dr's who believe me and are committed to helping me.  These truths didn't sink in until I looked for outside help.  I cannot do any of this on my own. And I thank God for being in the trenches with me.

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