Hello again! Sorry for the long pause between. I am looking at my eight year anniversary of RSD this time around. The last time I had it it took ten years.. So as I look back at these long eight years I am filled with regret, anger and joy.
The first year of this bout was when I found who my real friends were. Yet, I was still positive about my disability.
As the next few years rolled by I started finding myself poked and prodded and the procedures were endless and unproductive. The RSD spread, up one leg and down the other, then to my abdomen and back. I found myself sinking further into the abyss. I started looking at my life as before RSD and after. When I thought about my life before RSD, I was reminded me of how much I had had going for me and how much I had taken away. It got to the point that I was so angry and bitter.
I still am angry. This was not the life I wanted to have. Let's face it: nobody wants this life of pain.
I'm coming to see that it's what you do with the life you have that makes the difference. I'm 35 and I have not experienced "normal" life at all yet. And I struggle every day with that.
But, I am constantly reminding myself that there is so much joy in my life. I have a home and a family, a dog who follows me everywhere, Dr's who believe me and are committed to helping me. These truths didn't sink in until I looked for outside help. I cannot do any of this on my own. And I thank God for being in the trenches with me.